Good day, fellow people of the world of metal. I am Dark Juan and I am a psychopomp to toffs and gentry, a person of overweening self-importance and the High Priest of extremity in music. I also write things about music. Rather a lot of words about music, actually, having been a reviewer and occasional interviewer (I interviewed Trevor Strnad just before he took his own life, which probably says everything you need to know about my interviewing style) for many, many years. Normally while getting totally rat-arsed as I brew my own, well, it's supposed to be beer, but it is far too alcoholic for that. You will discover, to your everlasting cost, that I am British and therefore communicate mainly in grunts and sarcasm. No, I'm serious. I am from Yorkshire, you see, and Yorkshire is the British equivalent to Colorado, being as it has mountains in it and the people talk funny. Although it could just be because I am pissed up again.

I am lucky enough to live in a place which is doom metal central and count the likes of Aaron Stainthorpe of My Dying Bride among my occasional drinking buddies, and my musical tastes run the gamut from the most jangly pop rock through the whole spectrum of heavy music to the most extreme metal I can find, as well as listening to metal-adjacent genres, being as I have been a fan of goth and industrial since both those scenes started. Which gives you an idea of just how old I am. 

Anyway, I am delighted to make your acquaintance, and I hope that my peculiar sense of humour and frequent straying from the path of what I am writing about don't put you off too much. If it does, tough luck, I guess. I'll be here until I am fired for saying something too salacious or I have offended too many people. Whichever comes first...